


Those Three Little Words

by alittlegreenrosetta



Series: Jazz Age Joker [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Deep Fluff, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Smut, Old timey slang, Romantic Fluff, Seriously Fluff Ahead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:39:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5356151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlegreenrosetta/pseuds/alittlegreenrosetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harley thinks she knows all about the Joker until an unexpected phone call changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Three Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> Prohibition was repealed on December 5th, 1933 so to celebrate repeal day I have a little Jazz Age one shot for you guys. I warned you in the tags that the fluff is really fluffy but this is my most human version of the Joker so you've got to allow me a few tender moments now and then.

She curled up on his lap and smiled up at him. “Wanna play a game, Daddy?’

“Sure I do, baby, what do you want to play?” Harley’s games were always a good time.

“Wanna go fishing?” She knew he’d say yes. In their time together they had come up with various ways to entertain themselves and “Going Fishing” was one of his favorites. The basic idea was that Rocco drove them to a rough area of town with a lot of bums and thugs around and then dropped Harley off in a promising spot. He then dropped the Joker off a block or two further down the road where he would wait in an alley. Harley lured any jerk who took the bait of a beautiful blond all alone to the alley he was waiting in where they proceeded to beat and kill the bum. The game usually ended in them fucking in the alley though sometimes Rocco had to put up with them doing it in the backseat instead. There wasn’t a force on earth that could pull Harley off of him after she’d had a chance to do a little bodily harm to a random street predator.

“If my baby wants to go fishing, of course we will.” He told her as he heard the phone in his office ring. Rocco was still milling around in there and picked up the call.

“Hey, Boss, it’s Mrs. Napier.” Rocco called from the office door.

“I’ll be with you in just a minute, doll.” The Joker gave Harley a quick kiss and moved her off his lap. She didn’t say anything but followed behind him. When he took up the receiver in his office he saw Harley staring at him with her eyes wide and frightened.

“What is it Jeannie?” He said brusquely into the phone.

“Yes….yes… you know I will. Did you just call to piss me off?” He stopped talking while Jeannie nagged him. He was only half listening to her anyway, mostly he was watching Harley with concern. He’d never seen anyone actually look green before but Harley’s skin was sort of bordering on it.

“Look, Jeannie, I’m a busy guy. I’ll be there on the 24th just like usual and you can henpeck me then.” He slammed down the phone and turned his attention to Harley.

“What’s wrong, baby? You don’t look like you feel so well.” He asked in a soft tone and walk over to her.

“Mr. J? Rocco said that was Mrs. Napier. He didn’t mean your Ma, did he?” Her voice was a strained whisper.

“No, my mother’s dead, Harley. He meant my wife.” Was she upset about Jeannie? That seemed a little odd.

“Your wife.” She said to herself quietly. Then she looked up at him and her face became fierce.

“YOUR WIFE!” She screamed at him and pushed him away from her.

“Harley, why are you so upset? How could you have not known I was married? I’m nearly forty, good looking, rich and powerful. Shouldn’t you be more concerned if I wasn’t married by now?” He said jokingly, hoping to lighten the mood a little.

“How could I have not known? Are you serious?” Tears were starting to roll down her face now. “I didn’t know because you didn’t tell me and you don’t wear a ring or you know, live with some other dame.”

“Of course I don’t wear a ring. I don’t wear lip rouge either.” This was the most ridiculous conversation. He couldn’t think of a woman who was less of a threat to his relationship with Harley than Jeannie was. “You really need to calm down, baby.”

“Calm down!” She picked up the first thing she came across and threw it at his head. He ducked as what was once a crystal ashtray whizzed past his head and shattered against the wall. “I must be the world’s biggest sucker.”

She was looking around for something else to throw so he went to her quickly and grabbed her by the shoulders. He knew how destructive Harley could be if she lost control. They needed to get this sorted out quickly before one of them really lost their temper and blood was spilled.

“Ok, I’m obviously missing something big here. Can you please, before you throw anything else at my head, stop and explain to me why this upsets you so much?” She looked so miserable, tears were falling from her eyes in a steady stream. Looking at the pain on her face made something in his chest feel tight and ache.

“You belong to someone else. Someone else belongs to you. Sometime, somewhere, you joined your life permanently to someone else’s.” She managed to explain herself calmly but there was hot fury in her eyes.

“That’s not true, Harley. You know it’s not true. There’s only you, there’s only ever been you.” She was still glaring at him but she didn’t argue.

“After I did in my father, I took off. I was all on my own at 13, you know what that’s like; you did it yourself. I grew up on a farm in Illinois so when I ran off, I ran to Chicago. I stole my first few meals but soon enough I started doing errands and odd jobs for a pretty tough gang of fellas. When they found out I didn’t have a problem with bumping off who ever needed it, they took me into their gang permanently. I grew up and was soon a top guy for a small gang but I had ambition. The problem was I wasn’t Italian and I wasn’t Irish. I was just a farm boy from Nowheresville who wasn’t afraid to drop a guy. I needed connections. My reputation as a killer got me a small potatoes job with some important Italians. One of them had a cousin who took a liking to me, decided she just had to have me and so she got me and I got moved up. Once she had me she decided she had made a mistake but Catholics don’t believe in divorce so she was stuck with me. She and her cousin decided it was best I go east to make my fortune and I had no objections. And I’ve been a great success. Everyone back in Chicago is happy, I’m happy and the only thing to tie me to them is the money I kick up to Chicago and a trip once a year for Christmas Eve. That’s coming up soon and that’s why she called, to nag me about it.” She listened to his story quietly and her tears started to let up a little.

“You’re not Catholic are you?” Of all the things to take away from that story!

“No but they don’t know that. I paid a guy to teach me whatever I’d need to know.” The Joker found religion tedious but socially advantageous. “I’m probably as good a Catholic as any other mobster.”

“You probably got a bunch of kids too.” Instead of weepy or angry her voice now sounded forlorn.

“Two. A boy and a girl.” He felt a little guilty about the kids all of the sudden. Harley said she was glad she couldn’t have any but he’d be surer of that if she’d had any choice in the matter.

“Course you do. Why wouldn’t you?” She sounded resigned.

“I’m sorry I got so worked up and threw that ashtray. I… if you don’t care I think I’ll just…” She was clearly floundering for a reason to leave the room, her voice was turning watery again. “I think I’m going to go take a bath.”

She left the room quickly and he didn’t try to stop her. He wasn’t really sure what to do now. She was taking this all so hard. He tried to see it from her side but he couldn’t manage to block out his own disdain for his wife and children. He had more success reversing their positions and imagining finding out that Harley had a husband and kid somewhere but even that didn’t bother him too much. Not because he wasn’t possessive, he definitely was, it was just impossible to imagine Harley caring about anyone as much as she cared about him. She should know it was the same for him. He decided he should trying talking to her again rather than letting her cry alone in the bathtub. When he approached the bathroom door he could hear her sobbing even over the sound of the running water. He hesitated for a moment but when she turned off the tap she seemed to quiet down a bit and he went ahead in, hoping they could talk calmly.

When he walked into the bathroom her found her up to her ears in bubbles. Her face was red and splotchy from crying. Poor kid. She looked up at him and wiped away her tears with a washcloth. He kneeled down next to the tub and took a good look at her. He’d never hurt Harley before and he didn’t have any desire to ever do so again.

“Do you think we could talk a little, doll?” He asked quietly.

“Sure, you want to tell me more about your family or something? You got a dog too?” Her tone was sarcastic which he took as a good sign. He felt more on an even footing with sarcastic Harley than with forlorn Harley.

“No, no dog as far as I know. At least there wasn’t one last year. If there’s anything else you want to know just ask.” Might as well get this all out of the way now.

She eyed him skeptically. “How long have you been married?”

“Nine years more or less.”

“How old are your kids?”

“Eight and five. Maybe eight and four. I know the oldest one is eight, he came along the first year.” She shook her head at him and his poor knowledge of his kids. Did she want him to go play daddy to them?

“How long ago did you move to Gotham?” She looked down at her bubbles as though they were the most fascinating things she’d ever seen.

“Oh I guess about seven years now.” Shit, he’d walked right into that one. Her eyes darted up to his and glared daggers at him.

“That don’t sound like the picture you were trying to paint for me a little while ago. You still fuck her.” She spit the last sentence out, her voice dripping with venom.

“She’s Catholic, she wants a lot of kids and she’s seems to think they should be mine even though she’s not exactly fond of me. We try once a year when I visit at Christmas. Honestly, Harley, it’s not a pleasant experience for either of us.” This conversation was growing increasingly impossible. He would pretty much do anything to be done with it.

“Oh, you poor thing!” She splashed a soapy wave of bath water at him. He couldn’t help it, he had to laugh at her petulant little face as she tried to soak him.

“Don’t laugh at me!” Her eyes were welling up again.

“Wait, doll, don’t start crying again. What can I do Harley? I’ll do or say anything if we can just end this conversation. You know there’s no one in the world for me but you. And I can’t really believe you are jealous about any of this. Hell, I’m pretty sure I fucked you more in the first week we were together than I have Jeannie in nearly a decade. I certainly had a lot more fun doing it too. She hates me Harley, she thinks I’m crackers and I never cared a fig for her or the kids. They’re just a means to an end. And that end, Harley? It’s this life I have here with you.” He could tell his words were having an effect, she managed to keep from crying and was looking back at him a little more like she normally did, with love in her eyes instead of anger.

“You’d do anything if we stop talking about?” She asked, her voice full of meaning.

“Yeah sure, name it.” As soon as he said the words he knew what she wanted. “Aw c’mon kid, you don’t need me to say it, you know it already and you know how hard what you’re asking is for me.”

“Sure I know. And you know how hard all this is for me to hear about so if you want me to feel better you’ll say it. Unless you don’t…”

“Of course I do, you know I do. I’m goofy for you Harley, you know that.” He hoped he could get away with almost saying it.

“Good, then you’ll have no trouble saying it.” She wasn’t giving an inch. There was nothing to do but get it over with.

“Harley, I…” She stared up at him with those big blue eyes, she wasn’t blinking just to make sure she didn’t miss a syllable. “I love you. So much that I’m on my knees next to a bathtub saying it to a soggy girl with a splotchy tear streaked face. I never loved Jeannie, I never loved anyone except you. So please put me out of my misery and forgive me already.”

She smiled and popped up in the tub to wrap her bubbly arms around his neck with a happy squeak. She gave him a sweet little kiss and said, “Of course I forgive you Mr. J and I love you too. Now, when do we leave for Chicago?”

“We? Harley, I don’t think taking you to Chicago with me is such a great idea.” He’d be more certain it was a terrible idea if he wasn’t watching an island of bubbles slide down one of her breasts.

“So what, you were just gonna to leave me here all by myself? For Christmas? Am I supposed to exchange gifts with Rocco?” She raised up in the tub a little more so he could follow the bubble island along its path down her smooth stomach until it finally joined all the other bubbles blocking him from seeing lower than her navel. He knew she was trying to distract him and it was certainly working. What was he planning to do with her? He hadn’t been thinking about Chicago at all before Jeannie called but he certainly couldn’t leave Harley all by herself for the three or four days he’d be gone. It wasn’t that he needed her with him all the time but he didn’t exactly mind it either.

“I guess you could go with me, I would have to leave you alone in the hotel a lot though. I do have to spend time with these people even if I’d rather be with you. Do you think you could handle that or would you give me grief over it the whole time?”

“Of course not, Daddy, I’ll be such a good girl!” She kissed him again, this time with some passion in it. He put his hands on either side of her waist and then slid them up to cup her breasts. Her skin was cold from being wet and out of the water and her nipples were puckered and hard. He pushed her away a little and stood up.

“Shift over baby, I’m joining you.” He instructed as he started undressing. He climbed into the tub and Harley immediately climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around him.

“Mr. J, I know what I want for Christmas.” She said while planting a trail of soft kisses along his jaw.

“What’s that Harley? You know I’ll get you anything you want.” He slid his hand up her wet back, pushing fluffy piles of bubbles aside as he went.

“To help you kill your wife.” She returned to her kissing as though she hadn’t said anything special. Like she’d just asked him for a diamond bracelet or a fur coat.

“Harley, I can’t kill my wife. She’s connected to some dangerous people and it wouldn’t go so great for me.” He tried to get back into the mood but her suggestion had made him uneasy. There’s a lot he do for this woman but they’d both end up dead if he did this for her.

“Ok, Daddy. I’ll just kill her all by myself.” She shifted around in the tub so she could straddle his waist. If she was trying to distract him it wasn’t going to work this time. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her away so he could look her in the eye.

“No one is killing her, Harley. I’m not kidding around here.” He said sternly. She stared at him solemnly for a minute and then put a big smile on her face.

“Well then maybe Santa will get me what I want, it could be a Christmas miracle.” She started shifting her hips back and forth so that her slippery wet folds were stroking his cock. He couldn’t keep from getting hard but this conversation was too troubling for him to give way to the pleasure.

“Baby, I know that we’ve killed a lot of folks together including some people from your past but this is different. I hate Jeannie but she’s not worth it. She’s gonna live a long life as far as you and I are concerned. Do you understand me?” Her smile fell and her bottom lip started to quiver.

“Don’t cry again. Come on, kid, she doesn’t matter to us. Let it go.” He tried to reason with her. Harley wasn’t generally susceptible to reason but it was worth a shot.

“But, Mr. J, as long as she’s alive you’ll never really belong to me.” She looked at him with the saddest set of blinkers he’d ever seen.

“I’ve only ever belonged to you. I think I belonged to you before we even met, I was just waiting around for you to show up. And those three little words I said to you earlier? I’ve never said them to anyone else and I never will. I love you, Harley.” If there was ever a time to let his guard down and speak from the heart it would be in trying to dissuade Harley from a murder that would bring the entire Italian mob down on them. Her face lit up with his confession and she threw her arms around him.

“Forget about Santa, hearing you say that was the best present ever!” She exclaimed.

“That’s more like it!” He hoped now they could get a little more rub-a-dub-dub going on in this tub. Harley covered in bubbles was a very pretty sight.

“But if that dame ever walks past me in the street, I’m pushing her into traffic.” She said with conviction and then started kissing him like nothing had interrupted their bath time petting session. He kissed her back realizing there was no reasoning with Harley but when you had a lap full of bubble covered blond who needed reason anyway?


End file.
